December 29, 2010

the villain

I was made a villain,

in the middle of the night,
while conversations flew,
like shooting stars.

Oh, it was out of line.
Oh, it caught me by surprise.
That you took those words
as an insult on my behalf.

What a mess it is,
when the air is filled with
“I know exactly what I heard”
And there’s not any going back.

I was made the villain,
in the middle of the night,
while conversations flew,
with no intention to harm.

December 27, 2010

a winter night

"My room is like a bit of June, warm and close-curtained fold on fold, but somewhere, like a homeless child, my heart is crying in the cold."
-Sarah Teasdale

December 22, 2010

not ready

No, I'm not ready to be left behind. You took all your stuff, began making it on your own and you never even left a note. Now I stand alone, in between these empty walls of sorrow, regrets, and should have dones. No, I'm not ready to be left behind. No, I'm not ready to be left without a goodbye.

December 17, 2010

face the world

I did good, yeah I made it. Four years and now it's done. Graduation, here we go. We were still kids in the beggining  and now all of a sudden a change in title and it is as we're women and men, ready to face the world. Our roads are still unknown but the sure thing is we won't be back in the fall.

December 13, 2010

the love life we want

I heard in a movie we all have the love life we want. To all the single and willing this sounds horrifying. Why would someone want to be single and miserable? True. Made me think of my love life and how I always end up falling for the worst guy possible, these guys have nothing in common but the fact that they’re messed up and in no way suitable for a relationship. I’m the type of person who believes in happy endings, I believe eventually you’ll get what you deserve and if you’re good you’ll get something good, I also watch a lot of movies. So I wondered what if this actually is the love life I want? What if my movie-like beliefs make me think I need to go through a life of horrible romances to get to the good one right at the end of the story?

December 11, 2010

promise me you'll move on

I'm going away,
my heart is in the wrong place.
Though I love you,
I can't stay.
I fear for your heart and your soul.
I’m not sure if you’re strong.

Promise me you'll survive.
That you won't give up,
no matter what happens,
no matter how hopeless.

Promise me you’ll move on.
That you'll look up,
no matter the heartbreak,
no matter the storm.

Though I love you,
I can’t stay.
This is what’s best.
Promise me you’ll move on.

my mind is my passport

My mind is my passport.

A story, a picture,
will take me on a ride.

I’ll be here,
but my mind is around.
Wonder if this has anything to do
with never doing things on time.

Maybe someday I'll go.
As for now, my mind is the way to go.

December 8, 2010

the poem generator

Why does the lover run?
Why does the heart stop?
Love, desolation, and faith.

December 7, 2010

the caged bird

"The caged bird sings with a fearful trill of things unknown but longed for still and his tune is heard on the distant hill for the caged bird sings of freedom."
                                                                                               -Maya Angelou

the runner-up

You cross the finish line as the runner-up, what a shame. You feel like a loser, because the first place is the one who gets the gold trophy.  No problem, you'll get the consolation prize. Don't most of us get that? We don't get the gold, but a thank you for participating prize.

graduation time

Turning calendar pages,

not many to go through.
Anxiety attack, that’s for sure.
Not only a year already went by,
but my student days will be left behind.
Now it’s a different lesson,
no more grading on a card.

December 4, 2010

looking for company

People get tired of being lonely,
tired of waking up alone.
Getting urges controlled on their own.
So they look around,
grab whoever walks by and settle.

And this we call company.

November 30, 2010

perfect thoughts

You think you're always right. You think you have perfect thoughts. And you might have them, in your little box of a mind. But out here we need no boxes, we are free. There are no walls.

November 29, 2010

not tonight

Thirty seven seats, two persons, one bus.
Being just a seat apart, without words they won’t find out.
Will someone step up at last?

Maybe, but not tonight.

Once again the ride home comes to an end, this is her stop.
She stands up and wishes it was his stop too.
Tomorrow they’ll meet again.
Maybe tomorrow the silence will come to an end.

*First thing I ever wrote and posted online (last year), I got to meet that guy this year and I don't like him at all haha funny to see this once again.

November 26, 2010

the anonymous one

It's probable that every now and then you come around and read whatever is on my mind, but you leave no traces, no comments. And it's probable you think some of what I write is about you. It's also probable that you think I have a messed up mind. It's even more probable that after reading this you still won't say a thing. But, sometimes I can't help but wonder if there is anything you'd like to say?

November 25, 2010

about scars

I wanted to wear a shirt and shorts at the beach, wanted to cover the marks of a skin condition I used to have. Mom said they didn't even show much, but I felt uncomfortable. Nearby a woman stood up in her bikini, she had a long vertical scar right in the middle of her chest, she was happy, she didn't hesitate, she was enjoying her time. I felt ridiculous worrying about stuff like that, how many persons wish to be right at the beach? how many persons wish they could tell the story of their scars? Scars aren't a bad thing, something to cover up. Scars show you survived whatever you went through.

all the world's a stage

"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players; they have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts..."
                                                                                    - William Shakespeare

November 24, 2010

words are static, music flows

Words are static, music flows,
through your heart, your veins and your soul.
So much to listen, so little that resounds.
Music that talks about love,
a rotten theme we inherited
from someone who once knew how to feel.

Music that talks about destiny,
a beautiful orchestrated life theme we inherited
from someone who got lucky.

Music that talks about promises,
a fantastic lie about how things will be theme inherited
from someone who must’ve been fooled.
Music, isn’t it supposed to make you feel better?
Isn’t it supposed to make you make be saner?
After the verses and chords why don’t I feel better?

not on paper

Of course we get scared, 'cause nothing in life is sure. We have no clue about tomorrow, if the love we have will remain, if we'll find our way, if things will be okay. Nothing written on paper, just promises we make on our minds for ourselves.

November 23, 2010

how it started

My mind was full of random, probably un-useful words and phrases. That's how I started. I wanted to say so much and didn't know to whom exactly. So I wrote it all down, wrote to the world, the cyberspace, hoping some day someone would read it and make some sense of it. Never cared for rhymes, never cared for the emotion, never cared for the space it took. Just poured my heart out, poured it in the form of words. 

November 22, 2010

we had choices

We both had choices. I chose to give you my heart. And you chose to break it. What's done is done.

November 21, 2010

somewhere, someone...

Somewhere in the world,
someone wonders where you are.

Somewhere in the world,
someone cries at night.

Somewhere in the world,
someone feels like something is missing.

Somewhere in the world,
someone wishes for a chance.

Somewhere in the world,
someone wants a sign.

Somehow you'll meet,
and somehow you'll know,
that this someone has been you someone all along.

the sidewalk

Kiss quickly like a fast lover.
Ah, the dirty, lusty lovers quickly hate a dead end street.
Leave the street, take the sidewalk.
Why choose the sidewalk?
Do sidewalks even work?
We refuse to walk right in the street of love.
Cause love is a silent, careful walker. 

tell me, tell me

I want you to say it, because I'm certain it's true. Tell me you missed me just as much as I've missed you. Tell me that you went there just to see if I was around. Tell me you wrote a message you didn't send 'cause you were scared. Tell me you've pictured us in your mind a thousand times. Tell me you talk about her just to make me mad. Tell me it's time to leave it all behind and start our story in a brand new page. Tell me, and I'll believe...

November 20, 2010

i need a lover

I need a lover, I need a confidant.
I need some sugar,
I need some ice.
Someone that matches
the colors of my life.
Someone that grows
from the heart to the sky.
Someone who feels everything intensified.
Not you, not me.

This is what I know.

November 19, 2010

another million

If I had a penny for every tear I cried,
I’d become a millionaire tonight.
With this money I'd try to win you back.
I’d buy you roses, a fancy dinner and a star.
But what’s the point?
Everytime I’m empty pocketed you fly.
Leave me to cry.
Just to make another million in a night.

November 18, 2010

the poem generator

All guys desire fast, rainy girls.
All drivers fight dry, noisy cars.
The city goes like a small sidewalk.
Grow quietly like a dead job.

 *Found a poem generator... you type in a bunch of words and you get different stuff, it's fun...this I liked.

peel me, find me

Peel me to the core,
find what makes me sore.
see right through me.
Take your time with me,
find what makes me tick,
seek a path for me.

Stay and make me feel,
calm my insecurities,
see where we could be.
A far away land,
where there is no past,
and the future is at our hands.
This is where we could be.
This is where we’ll be.
You’ll be you and I’ll be me.

November 14, 2010

letter #142

Wrote letter #142 for you, but this one you won't read either. I'm not going to send it, not now, not later. I'll put it with the rest of them, hidden in the closet. It's not that I'm afraid of letting you know what I feel, it's just that when it's written it's real. It's not just a feeling in my heart, it's not just your memory on my mind, it's a declaration from me to you, signed with my name, and I don't want a one sided paper bound love.

November 13, 2010

learn the hard way

I’m wiser now, I learned the hard way.
I had to cry,
I had to scar.

Now I have proof of pain.
marks that will stay,
in my soul and in my heart.
You left me more than once,
I waited more than twice,
always thinking you’d come around.

Next time I’ll step out,
I’ll break out and shout
Why did you leave me?
Why did you leave me here to cry?

the getting through

Then one day, things started falling into place. Making you realize why your past is the way it is. You lived and you learned and you finally got to where you had to. Isn't it nice here at the end of the rainbow to look back and remember of those times you thought you'd never get through?

November 11, 2010

a kiss in the air

And wherever you are, if I ever cross your mind, I ask for you to do a thing for me: blow a kiss in the air, make sure it travels well, so it can find its way to me, only then I'll know you're thinking of me.

how is your day going?

You cared about me. You asked about my day and you meant it. You really wanted to know. Is there anything more precious than that? An un-related human being out there in the world, that truly cares about how your day is going.

our useless list

The daily grind has wrecked the love boat. You and I are even. Useless the list of mutual wrongs and hurt and heartache.
                                                                                                             -Vladimir Mayakovsky

just yesterday

"You taught me first to live in fire, then threw me in the icebound steppe! Yes, that's what you have done to me! My darling, tell me what I did!"
                                                                                                                           - Marina Tsvetaeva

it meant goodbye

I didn’t recognize the look in your eyes, a sad glow I’d never seen before had taken control. And as always your words were unclear, but your voice was sincere, so nothing mattered. I sensed your heart was tied. If only I had known what it all meant that night: the glow, the look, the hug, the kiss.... Now I know it meant goodbye.

November 10, 2010

who's to say?

I knew it. I knew right from the start. I didn’t have to guess, you were the one who told me. “I’m no good, don’t trust in me”. I heard what you said, but I didn’t really listen. Words came and left with the summer breeze. And I was left standing in between who you were and who I thought you’d be. I can’t figure you out, you seem sweet, but you also seem like an ass. I carry you around in my heart, while you keep me underground. Who’s to say where we’ll stay? Maybe tomorrow we’ll change. Having hope is not enough; having faith will not build a relationship of scraps and pieces of hate and love.

you are going to change the world

Always did good, everyone around noticed. Didn't want to show off or anything, it was just the way it was. Then I was told I was going to change the world. Nice, right? Thing is... when people expect so much of you, anything less is bound to be a disappointment, for them and for you. Even when the outcome wasn't even that bad.

November 9, 2010

the ones we need

Some, you try to push away, but they won't go no matter what you do. Some, will leave no matter how much you try to hold on. Some, you will never meet no matter how much you pray for it to happen. Some, will get into your life one way or another. We get who we get in life and in the end the ones we get are the ones we really need.

November 8, 2010

me, me, me

Never thought I was selfish. Always believed I was a selfless person, but I'm not. Because in all honesty I don't care about how you are right now or what I made you feel then, I only care about me missing you, about me being hurt by you, and about me wanting you back. Me, me, me. I'm selfish, and I'm sorry. I really do hope you're doing alright.

November 7, 2010

the one i am

Truth is I'm not even sure of who I am. Most of the time I'm who they want me to be, that's the way I grew up, it's all I know. How to know if who they want me to be is who I really am?   

the big revelation

Suddenly I knew I loved you, but you're so far away. You're not here, you're all the way over there. And there doesn't even know how lucky it is to have you. Funny how we take things and feelings for granted and the minute they're gone we miss them and have a big revelation.

November 6, 2010

to feel

Sometimes we need to cry, just to feel we're alive. There's a comfort in being sad that feels so right, makes me remember what feelings are all about.

November 5, 2010

turned off the light

Empty dark breathing space
unfulfilled dreams that stay.
In my mind I wish I’d taste
the freedom that I deserve.

In the dark I forget
who I am and what I’d say.
Without light I cannot see
the end of this obscurity.

Once upon a time,
I turned off the light
with my fears and doubts
I never knew how to get it back.

November 4, 2010

the unbalanced friendship

Now I understand, you were more of a friend to me, than I was to you. It's not a surprise, I was all alone, you were all I had. You had it all, I was only your temporary plus one.

there are no maps

Don't be too scared if you're lost. There are no maps in life and you have to find your own path even if it sometimes means doing a wrong turn, eventually you'll find the right way.

ps. Getting lost helps you find yourself.

November 3, 2010

a new year starts now

A year older and hopefully a year wiser. A year ago I knew what my future held, right now I have no idea, but that's okay. Bittersweet flashes in my mind of memories from a year that won't be back again, all the places I've been, all the persons I've met and all the things I learned. A year older, hopefully a year wiser and a step closer to where it is that I'm meant to be at.

November 1, 2010

through my lens

Looking at pictures,
couldn’t help but see,
there’s so much beauty that we miss.

Through the lens I get a peek of the world,
I can see mountains, a river and the sea.
I can see buildings, workers and the street.
I can see men, women and some kids.

But my camera only shows so much.
I found that I can’t photograph the best in the world.
I can’t see the sound of ocean, a broken heart or the feel of a kiss.
I can’t see my anger, my love for you or how the sun feels on my skin.

October 31, 2010

the spider

I saw a spider and I was so scared it would bite me, so I ran. But then I went back because I knew it was there, so still, in my bedroom wall and it would be there or even worse hiding somewhere by the time I went to bed. I threw a couple of shoes at it with no luck so I took a deep breath and crushed it. I killed a spider, it will no longer run around or hide or find new places. I killed a spider and I felt bad. I had to say  "I'm sorry" outloud to feel a little better.  To think there are so many persons who do horrible stuff, don't they feel their hearts clenching? Don't they get any remorse?

rest assured

I know the look in my eyes and my voice breaking doesn't help in convincing you I'm alright. But rest assured, you didn't break me. I trully am fine... most of the time.

October 29, 2010


"But the crowds run along not noticing him or his heartache...Vast, boundless heartache. If Iona's breast burst and the heartache poured out, it seems it would flood the entire world- but nevertheless people do not see it."
- Anton Chekhov

October 28, 2010

pretend i love you

We’ve always been make believe.
I lie to you and you lie to me.
We break up and make up, just to be.
Can’t carry on with an imaginary love.

I pretend I love you and you pretend to care.
I pretend I miss you and you pretend to get hurt.
Now let’s recognize this is the end,
and we’ll both be on our ways.

October 27, 2010

keep it simple

Keep it simple, I told myself. Something else would be trouble. So, simple it was. Who am I kidding?

In the end, simple always gets complicated.

it's about choices

It's about choices. We choose schools, what to do, what to eat or what road to take. We choose to love or hate. We choose to fight or stray. Everyday, every hour, every minute we define our lives. Is it the right choice? Who knows? We'll just have to wait and see.

October 26, 2010

let it go. let it be.

Let go.
Let it go.
Let the pain go.
Let the pain flow.
Let the pain fade off.
Let the pain fade off of you.

Let the sun give you warmth.
Let the sun calm you down.
Let the sun rise and shine.
Let the sun be bright.
Let it be.
Let it.

emergency contact

You don't want me all the time. Just when you need me. Just when your heart gets crushed and there's no ambulance around. You dial my number in hopes of a last minute intervention to get your heart going. Oh, but not this time sir, you won't hear a loving voice, you won't hear those words that always made you feel better. This time I refuse to be your emergency contact number, I am more than just a nurse for your broken heart.

dangerous craving

CRAVING, an intense, urgent, abnormal desire or longing of something. Horrible feeling, especially when you just cant get what you need to satisfy the need. Worst part is it's not always an object or food you can get at the corner store, sometimes it's a feeling. And feelings are hard to find and get, even when you're the first one placing the order. Love is indeed the most dangerous craving of all, if you ask me. It will make you scream, kick, cry and settle for something that looks like it.

October 24, 2010

recycled feelings

Nothing but a bunch of recycled feelings. That's all I have. Isn't that what we all have in the end? Used materials, better known as waste converted into new products to reduce the "potential" waste of useful materials. So in this case I believe my love for you is the used one, better yet the waste, because that's how it ended and I am the wonderful recycling machine trying to convert this feeling for you into a brand new clean love to share with someone else. I wonder if the next one will ever find out the love he now has is recycled and not brand new. Will this change his idea of me? Or maybe he's all into the "be green, recycle your feelings" trend.

Reduce, Reuse and Recycle. Reduce your feelings, use just the proper amount, don't let it go to waste. Reuse whenever possible, go back with you ex and use your love once again at least for a while. Recycle when love is wasted and in the trash, pick it up, recycle and get it shiny and ready to use with someone new.

October 22, 2010

the call

I wanted to call you. I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do, but I wanted to clear the air around us. Even when the air around us, is really thousands of miles apart. Why leave it all messy? So I decided I would, no clue on what I'd say but a: hello, it's me. I feared she'd be there, because what would you say? Wrong number or an old friend maybe... I grabbed the phone, my heart started racing, trying to focus on the fact that this is what I wanted. I dialed. Heard the tone, my heart beating even faster just to hear: the call can't be completed that way. Click, finally able to take a deep breath again.

October 20, 2010

do you miss me now?

Do you miss me now that I'm not around?
Do you miss me now when it's cold and you're tired?
Do you miss me now that I don't scream and shout?
Do you miss me now that you bore her out of her mind?
Well, I don't miss the sleepless nights.
And I don't miss the tears and lies.
I don't miss waiting around.
Or miss leaving my selfesteem on the side.
So, this means we won't reconcile.

October 19, 2010

artic love. frozen heart

Artic love. Numbing love. Ice all around.
You made me cold with your lies.
Frozen heart, won't melt this time.
Even if the sun is shining bright.
Frozen heart , won't melt this time.
Even if you stay and cry.

letter to myself

Dear Self,
I know you're always believed in fate and destiny, and that you met a guy that seemed to be sent by the stars. I know all about your long conversations where you poured your heart out about all and nothing and I know that they never seemed to end. It's amazing how much you guys have in common and how he can guess what you're going to say before you even open your mouth. It all looks like magic. But you've been down this road before, the perfect person never turns out to be as perfect, and well no one ever is. Meant to be is too big a responsability. Liking the same bizarre things doesn't make you soul mates. What I'm trying to say is think twice and look out. You've been hurt and let down, and I hate to see you fall. I hate to fall...

change of heart. change of blog.

I recently, well about a year ago, started writing whatever was on my mind. I ended up with some short stories and eventually focused on poems. It's a good therapy, trasfering your thoughts into a scrap of paper, so I keep doing it on a regular basis. I've posted on Booksie, but I don't really like the organization it has, so what started as my "quote" blog and ended being a abandoned blog will now be my "Blog your heart out", where I'll post past writing and future writing. My last week was a total wreck, so trying to get back on track I'm focusing on several activities, writing and posting will be one of them.
To whoever reads this, thanks and hope you enjoy or at least get entretained. Comments are very much appreciated. Go on and comment your heart out.

July 22, 2010

Eyes on Me

I feel your eyes on me as I walk by, but I don't know what you see. Do you see what you want to see? Or do you see me? I really hope you see me as me.

July 20, 2010

On our ways

I pretend to love you, you pretend to care. I pretend to miss you, you pretend to get hurt. Let's recognize this is the end and we'll both be on our ways.

July 17, 2010

Standing Alone

My emotions took me to the limit and I never realized I was standing alone. I was there dancing to our songs, living of a memory and dreaming of a future that wasn't of my own anymore.