March 29, 2014

what he taught me

He taught me to leave the past behind but when it came to him it wasn't easy at all.

i'm glad

It's that last scene I keep re-playing that breaks me up. You were so calm, I was so emotional. It was my first loss, clearly I was unprepared. It's just the idea of the last touch, the last hug, the last kiss. And you know I never felt like I belonged with anyone, but with you I did, I'm deeply grateful. I'm not sure where I stand now, not the same as before you, not the same as with you, I'm changed and I don't know how or when or where I should be. I had heard the first love is tough, maybe I'm too old to be figuring this out, I'm glad I did, I'm glad we tried. 

March 26, 2014

the heartbreak

It really feels like something is broken,
or about to break,
constant chest pressure,
it doesn't let you breathe,
it doesn't let you be.

March 23, 2014

the saviour

You could save me,
but I don't want to be saved by you, 
or anyone for that matter.

March 19, 2014

spring awakening

Birds singing,
the sun shining,
crisp cool air,
every song took a new meaning,
spring awakening. 

fake it

Fake it, 'til you make it,
they say
but you can only fake for so long,
or maybe faking becomes your own,
don't want it to be my own, my nature,
I wish for faking to feel unnatural and repulsive,
don't fake it,
show your flaws,
show the process, the stumbling and the getting up,
it's real, it's good and beautiful. 

to see myself

If only I could get out of myself,
to see myself,
what I wouldn't give,
to observe this life as it goes,
or a moment before.

If I watched as I fell,
maybe I'd know where to step,
if I saw myself stand up,
maybe I'd be certain of my strenght.