December 31, 2014


Perhaps this will be the most cliché  post to ever exist,
but 2014 was possibly the best year of my life so far,
and I like to think I'll top it off next year and so on and on until life permits,
it started out as any other, filled with family and memories,
I had love and balance, 
what a better way to begin?

It was a year of learning,
found myself by letting go,
it was fresh and new,
system reboot.
And I discovered I liked the default settings,
never forced it, just went with it,
took me to new hobbies, adventures and ventures,
even jumped the pool,
said goodbye to my desk and hello to the library,
was finally aware.

When you think you've got it together,
there's another curveball,
it was never safe to begin with,
but I believed it was. 

2014 rocked my world in ways I never knew I could be rocked.

December 21, 2014


No control, afraid it was going to fade away, time is an angry, evil beast and it waits for no one, it waits for no feeling, it just takes and takes and never gives back.

in all honesty

I thought I found forever that night.

December 17, 2014

oh, the irony

Life is funny,
we ended up doing the same things in different cities,
we'd watch the same movie on a random night,
and it felt like we should've been watching it together,
maybe someday we'll get to,
or maybe we'll be forever bound by distance.

November 25, 2014

make it perfect

Ever-changing life, nothing stays the same, this is where we're wrong, we want to fix our lives in order to add something or someone to it, but once you fix it, something breaks or it's just gone. There doesn't seem to be a perfect moment, not one that's thrown our way, we make it perfect by choosing to leap.

November 20, 2014

insignificant ventures

There are bigger things than you and I, it seems silly to be worried about such insignificant ventures. Don't get me wrong, you mean the world to me, but the actual world is crumbling and I'm not sure if weeping the night away is the way to spend it.

November 15, 2014

how you end up alone

This is how you end up alone,
taking them for granted,
building yourself a pedestal,
looking for flaws where there are none,
promising yourself so much more,
remembering your past,
never letting go,
closing your doors.

a brief moment

You could lose youself for a moment,
or spiral down infinitely,
you could find yourself in a spark,
or spend your entire life finding the way.

November 13, 2014

26 and counting

What a year,
hope I can always say I've learned between years,
not from books (that helps too),
but about myself,
who I am,
what I want to do in this lifetime,
I did good this time,
twenty-six and counting,
let's keep up the good work.

November 11, 2014

the rutine

Bottle yourself up in the rutine,
step by step just like the day before,
watch the calendar days, months and years go by,
stick to it,
it's safe and easy,
even when  frustrating.

November 10, 2014

the courage

Gathered up the courage, I wasn't going to let myself back down at the sight of discomfort. so humbly and in a fumbling manner I packaged some words that barely made sense and hoped for honesty and some peace of mind. If I can't get any of that, at least I have the satisfaction of sticking it out until the end. It'll have to be enough.

October 29, 2014

summer in autumn

No matter the season, some days resemble summer. Some days feel more like summer freedom, than summer itself. Days like these keep me going, brighten the darkest weeks, and just knowing they existed makes me hopeful that I'll encounter one of those days again.

I wasn't having awful weeks, not exactly, they were eye-opening, and summer in autumn always helps going through. 

October 23, 2014

a beautiful life

Singing and dancing to songs we discovered in elementary school, we knew the lyrics and all the dancing moves, it's the kind of information that just sticks. As we threw our hands in the air, she whispered "life is beautiful", it was one of those moments, where it seems everything in the world is right, the universe in perfect alignment, and there's no other place or company you'd rather have.

the motivational talk

She sat down beside me, cue the motivational talk, "you know you're a great woman, right?" I know I've said he's so great, but I know I'm kind of good too, I don't need this talk.
Looked at me with such pity, quarter of a century and alone, that's what I think she was grasping, not that it bothered me, it bothered others much more than me. 

October 21, 2014

the miles-space equation

Not a single word that day, history was made, not one that I'm proud of, but I gave it space, as if the thousands of miles between us weren't enough.

the faucet

I feel myself being emptied again,
someone opened the faucet,
the emotions spilling out,
laying on the floor,
soon to be evaporated,
and now inside just vacant space.

Empty but not free.

not an obligation

It comes down to this, you don't have to talk to me everyday, it shouldn't be an obligation, but I kind of hoped you'd want to, just to share how you've been, just to know a little about me.

October 14, 2014

couldn't do it

Couldn't do it,
couldn't ask for the answers I've been wanting,
the ones I've invented over and over in my mind,
maybe because I know ignorance can be bliss,
and I'm not ready to face the truth.

October 9, 2014

look up

It's comforting to know that despite our many differences, we get to look up and see the same moon shining in the middle of the night.

October 7, 2014

leave it to the stars

No need to be afraid of the end, if it's meant to be it will find its way eventually, that's what I tell myself now, it eases my mind. There's only so much under our control, so release it all and leave it to the stars.

September 29, 2014

they really don't

Feelings never matter when they're one sided, it's as if they didn't exist, as if we needed someone else's validation to make them real. It's quite unfair, if I don't share my feelings, if no one agrees with them, they cancel out, and I'm left with nothing. If I'm left without my own feelings, because they are indeed, my own, then what could I possibly have?

the amazed one

Rarely you come across people  who are amazed of the world and the way everything works. I was amazed by him, by his undying curiosity, so I sat down and just listened to the way he made up the world.

mean what you say

The problem with always meaning what you say is thinking everyone does the same. But be aware some just talk to get out of situations, some just plainly lie.

the day I stayed in

It was the kind of day where I just wanted to storm out and yell at the world, not that the world did anything wrong, it never does, it was all on me and I knew so I stayed in, fighting the monsters.

September 26, 2014

the september rain

This time the rain wasn't sad, it was hopeful, clearing the paths, making skies bluer, leaving freshness in its way. Powerful and emotional but not in a bad way.


Found her,
the adventurer,
thought she was gone for good,
but she's here,
she comes out when people are inviting,
and the city's exciting.

She's was never gone,
she lives within me.

September 21, 2014

harsh words

Sorry if my words sound harsh,
they don't seem that way until they've left my lips,
I hope you understand,
that I'm not cold or uncaring,
it's just a default mechanism.

September 9, 2014

the connection

In that precise moment, even thousands of miles away,  we were aware of how lucky we were that technology reached this moment in history so we could be as we were, connected.

the foreigner

Do you ever undust the memories stuck in the back of your mind and realize you're not in the picture anymore? A foreigner in my own memories.

September 7, 2014

no rhythm or rhyme

And sometimes I just wrote without it making any sense, without it having rhythm or rhyme because there's no other place to rant. And I don't think talking to someone would help since one sided conversations help you untangle your thoughts and that's all I need, no comebacks, no advice, just to lay them on the table. 

August 24, 2014

take the night

Take the night as if it's the only one you'll get, 'cause maybe it will be that way. Maybe it'll be the beginning and the end. Enjoy the hell out of it, dance, set yourself free, let yourself feel whatever you want to feel. Take the night, but be open for continuation.

the sea

I'm so glad you found one another in this sea of unmatches.

August 23, 2014

the inhabitant

How nice to know humans as nice as you still inhabit the earth.

August 15, 2014

parting the way

Sometimes it doesn't flow,
don't know how to,
I'm a freaking rock parting the way,
how upsetting.

August 13, 2014

the kiss goodnight

"Would just one kiss suffice?" he asked. 
"No, no it wouldn't... Unless it's an endless kiss" she replied.

that kind of friend

He was the kind to make you hopeful,
to make you understand that it exists,
the one to meet your eyes and not look away,
to give hugs like he means it,
to ask how you are and really care,
to be interested in your stories,
the past and present,
fascinated by your dreams,
push you to be the best you can,
to believe in you and everything you do. 

the hateful one

She liked throwing rocks and venom in every possible way, because she didn't feel like she was living if someone wasn't cringing away. Hatefulness was better than nothing to her, it seemed. But you can't lead a life that way and expect the outcome to be good.

August 10, 2014

august again

Where did the summer go? It's august again, this time there's no new beginning, there's no one waiting, it's just me and the path I chose, and although I might be doubtful at times, it makes me happy to know where I belong, it does feel like home. 

August 8, 2014

maybe this time

Maybe this time I'll make it right, 
been distracted building walls.
I promise to tear them down,
let you see the cracks and soft spots.

Maybe this time fate will be on our side.

step away

Step away from those who try to transform you into a version of themselves and try not to do it yourself to others.  

August 5, 2014

in time

Let life take its course even if you don't agree with it. Let it give to others, watch their happiness and rejoice, for in some time life will reward you.

July 28, 2014

my love for airports

Some going home,
some leaving home,
waiting to reunite,
or to say goodbye,
so many reasons to bring strangers together.

July 22, 2014

the city life

The city has the ability to be so quiet while being deafening loud.
On your own, unlimited anonymity, no one to care for yourself but you.

the scars love or lack of it left

She told her story without tears, 
a true warrior,
it made me sad,
and it made me angry,
that somebody decided it was okay to hurt her like that,
that such an action was even possible enraged me.

what a pair

He didn't know how to be alone,
I didn't know how to be with someone.

the scorpion

Forgives but never forgets,
can't be kept in a glass box,
has powers of her own,
calculates and plans,
and moves on.

July 4, 2014

still nice

You know they're empty words but still it's nice to hear them. 

the runner II

If anyone asks I'm not running away,
I've faced my truth,
every now and then I wonder,
if I bought the tickets on impulse,
I did, but I realize the city won't save me,
I'm the only problem and I take myself everywhere.

the runner

Never learned to be alone,
thrived on the concept of independence, 
but he couldn't stand still for a second and listen to himself,
it terrified him,
so he ran into the arms of someone who'd maybe help.

the blessed one

These days I'm so acutely aware of how blessed I am to have all these wonderful people in my life. Different little groups that bring joy, comfort and pure beauty into the world, they bring out the best in me, without a doubt good people lift you up. 

June 30, 2014

the genuine

You feel out of yourself,
but never more genuine that in that instant,
when you let go of the fear of being who you are,
and let yourself live the life you want,
even when it's not supposed to be right.

June 25, 2014

summer days

And it felt like the perfect day,
one I had been in need of,
sunshine and just a hint of rain,
my lifetime friends,
a cold pool that gets better once you dive in,
laughs that make you cry,
and cries that make you laugh,
made me remember when I was a child.

is it new?

Some days my heart feels heavy for no reason at all,
and I forget if this used to be my natural state,
or if it's entirely new.

once in a while

Every once in a while you'll encounter someone who has unkind things to say about you, even when they didn't even have the courtesy of getting to know you. It's not okay but it's also not completely avoidable, it's not your task to make yourself as they wish you were. Remember their words do not make you or break you.

June 17, 2014

the 500th: perfect and tragic

No one can love you the way you want them to love you,
they can only love you the way they know,
that's what you do too,
and it can be both perfect and tragic.

what remains

And I guess the question remains... can we really forgive if we can't forget?

June 11, 2014

the little birds

They observed from a tree branch as people walked by, fascinated with the act, it wasn't natural, they knew they were just faking and they wondered how long can someone keep up the act.

the adventurer

Just the thought of it made me happy, like maybe in another universe I'd be that girl.

temporary patch

No one can fix you darling,
that's only up to you,
everything or everyone else who tries,
is just a temporary patch.


Not that I wanted visibility, it was fine at the moment.
Just not sure for how long it's okay to be unseen.

June 8, 2014

good things happen to good people

He said that good things happen to good people in a speech, he repeated it so many times it made me wonder if he believed in it at all or maybe repetition was his way of convincing himself right then and there.

the lovely people you call friends

Wanted to run towards them and hug them until my arms had no strength, tell them thank you a million times, since they reminded me how good it feels to be yourself, the freedom of not being afraid. It was the best gift and I could never repay them.


The nights where I am out of words are the best, it meant I was calm and happy since I rarely know how to express those feelings.

It's all good, I'm speechless.

let's go some place new

I just want out,
want open roads,
new streets,
and new thoughts.

I want baggage,
and souvenirs
but most of all
I want memories to keep.

more than you know

Never wanted you to mourn for me,
I didn't want it to hurt,
so I'm glad you found someone.

I think you're lucky,
you always have been,
much more than you know.

June 1, 2014

in progress

We are always a work in progress,
there's no perfection,
no one who wants it anyway.

We are transforming,
hopefully for the better.

the time traveler

Jump from present to past to present to future and so on, in an endless loop. How do you enjoy the present when you reminisce about the past? How do you enjoy it when you worry about the future? The answer to both is, you don't. You don't enjoy the present at all, and then boom it's gone. And that's why so many moments of our life seem blurry, because we think and think about what we should've done or what consequences this thing now will have, but we don't stop and just look around. We are traveling to worlds that don't belong to us, the past is long gone, the future, we have no clue if we'll get. 

the land

Hold yourself back,
because you're a ticking bomb,
waiting to implode,
destroy everything around you,
and perhaps it'd do no harm,
the land is already dead. 

the brave and hopeful

The sweetest girl you'll ever find and still her heart gets broken and I don't blame them and I don't blame her either, heartbreak is more complicated than just pointing fingers. She manages to put herself back together, trust again and drown in love. She was always hopeful and I admired her. 

May 28, 2014


Perhaps I could be that impulsive girl I never am,
visit my dear friend,
wander the city,
find some inspiration,
it's a place of beauty without doubt,
perhaps it'd be good,
I'd make new memories.

May 10, 2014

not necessary

Don't destroy yourself to find yourself, it's not necessary.

it's out there

It made me incredibly happy to see them being happy, dancing to no song in the middle of the kitchen, not a care in the world for those minutes. You learn to cherish other people's happiness, because at least then you know it exists, it's out there.

over and over again

Said it over and over again,
but he doesn't understand,
or he just fails to listen.

May 5, 2014

the reality

You get yourself together,
just to fall apart once more,
the bits of you know where to break,
they've practiced enough,
it shouldn't be a surprise.


If we wake up tomorrow and it's gone,
if it slipped right through our fingers
or walked out the back door,
and you notice,
be kind and let me know,
I'll surely miss the exact moment, 
being unaware or in denial.

If we wake up tomorrow and it's gone,
rest assured we did our best,
I won't regret anything, 
hope you won't either.

May 4, 2014

such a burden

What the hell am I so afraid of? Sometimes I think I set myself back because I'm not sure if I can actually do it, but maybe I can. Because it would be easier to fail telling myself I really didn't put much of myself, but what's the point in that? This is what I wanted, this is what I'm interested in, what I want to know, the only thing I have to do now is convince others why it's important to me and to the world, it shouldn't be such a burden. Worst case scenario, I'll get the idea shot down and I'll get to rise once more.

May 3, 2014

her birthday

It's her birthday today, that website reminded me, but she doesn't get to celebrate it anymore. And it's extemely sad to realize she should be blowing candles and instead she's long gone. I never dared to erase her, I like seeing her name, I like seeing that people still write to her to tell her they miss her. Some people leave this world far too early, leaving marks in people's hearts no matter how long it's been, she was one of those. 

May 1, 2014

the tricks

The tricks your mind plays when you're sound asleep, makes you almost believe. 

reasons to write

Wrote to keep sane,
or question the crazy parts of me.

I loved looking back on feelings,
remembered clearly all the triggers that created those words.

the masks we wear

She told me I looked a little bit sad, I thought I had been good at pretending to be fine. 

Some people can tear down all of your masks.

April 23, 2014

savor it

Sit down and let yourself feel every feeling rushing through your heart,
don't try to push it away with words or music or some activity to disconnect,
let yourself savor the pain, the hurt, 
make a melody in your mind, 
how your feelings would sound,
play the song inside as long as you need to,
it's not about trying to change it or rush to another happier feeling, 
it's about accepting and realizing it's okay to let go, 
if not today, 
some day soon.

April 22, 2014

to the population

Sorry for being difficult and taking to heart every single word. 

April 21, 2014

nostalgic heart

The soft rain and the grey days never helped a nostalgic heart.

feel happy

You woke up today,
in a bed, 
under a roof,
you had food to eat,
went to a job you like,
with lovely people,
you sang,
smiled and hugged your loved ones.

Feel happy 'cause you're so incredibly lucky.

the rollercoaster

It's very much a rollercoaster, ups and downs, stomach flips, nausea, fear and hoping to get through. It'll come to a full stop, in the meantime hold on and remember you chose to ride.

the old man

He reminded me of my grandfather, his eyes full of stories, so willing to share, I just wanted to listen even if I didn't understand or knew anyone he talked about. 

April 12, 2014

the emotional minefield

The city was an emotional minefield, bombs everywhere, waiting to explode, blow me up into a billion pieces. So I stayed in neutral lands as much as possible. Someday they'll be new memories in those sentimental war zones and maybe they'll become safe again.

April 7, 2014

you tried

So you try with all you've got
but sometimes it's not even close to enough,
and it's okay to take a step back,
it's alright to notice.

April 3, 2014

the roads

Too late in life we learn, the good or the bad way, that some roads are meant to be walked alone.

March 29, 2014

what he taught me

He taught me to leave the past behind but when it came to him it wasn't easy at all.

i'm glad

It's that last scene I keep re-playing that breaks me up. You were so calm, I was so emotional. It was my first loss, clearly I was unprepared. It's just the idea of the last touch, the last hug, the last kiss. And you know I never felt like I belonged with anyone, but with you I did, I'm deeply grateful. I'm not sure where I stand now, not the same as before you, not the same as with you, I'm changed and I don't know how or when or where I should be. I had heard the first love is tough, maybe I'm too old to be figuring this out, I'm glad I did, I'm glad we tried. 

March 26, 2014

the heartbreak

It really feels like something is broken,
or about to break,
constant chest pressure,
it doesn't let you breathe,
it doesn't let you be.

March 23, 2014

the saviour

You could save me,
but I don't want to be saved by you, 
or anyone for that matter.

March 19, 2014

spring awakening

Birds singing,
the sun shining,
crisp cool air,
every song took a new meaning,
spring awakening. 

fake it

Fake it, 'til you make it,
they say
but you can only fake for so long,
or maybe faking becomes your own,
don't want it to be my own, my nature,
I wish for faking to feel unnatural and repulsive,
don't fake it,
show your flaws,
show the process, the stumbling and the getting up,
it's real, it's good and beautiful. 

to see myself

If only I could get out of myself,
to see myself,
what I wouldn't give,
to observe this life as it goes,
or a moment before.

If I watched as I fell,
maybe I'd know where to step,
if I saw myself stand up,
maybe I'd be certain of my strenght.

February 26, 2014

the soul sisters

So we ran to our cars in the middle of the rain, 
with winds so powerful you'd think we'd fly away,
laughing as we shriekied in cold,
these things wouldn't happen to another bunch.

Haven't got  a clue of what got us together,
but I know for sure now there's no getting out,
they know every story,
my soul sisters, my confidants, 
the ones that stick with me through ups and downs.

February 22, 2014

the modern warrior

And you never knew how to separate,
kept the weight of the world on your shoulders,
and it did no good to you or to them,
but you thought it was right,
and nobody thanked you at the end of the night,
no one patted your back to tell you it was fine,
but you kept on going,
a warrior of the modern times,
you didn't just worry,
you made plans.

February 7, 2014

the dreamer

She had more dreams than realities,
loved to make them up,
she kept her eyes closed,
and she dreamt often and fast and wild,
all she could, all at once.


Saturday afternoon,
after long days of missing each other,
the lovers reunited, 
let this day be marked in their personal history,
as the day they stopped missing each other,
the day they found each other in new ways.

the boat

The boat wrecked,
we are left in open waters,
it's every man for himself,
I can't save you,
it starts sinking in,
I can't save myself either.

The immensity drowns our thoughts,
once the mind is quiet,
we'll stay afloat,
and I wish someone had told me before,
that this is how it all goes.

the one who was found

Finally I'm back to myself,
but then again, I was never truly lost,
the world was never notified,
I was perfectly put.

It seemed that way,
I was good at pretending.