the times we miss

I had to wake up every morning, look in the mirror and tell myself that I could do it, that I had what was needed and that I could conquer it all. You never think you'll have to take such measures, but damn, anxiety and self-doubt will increase by a ton those last months. It doesn't help being alone, but alone is all you want to be. Conflicting times, yet they will be truly missed.

the good wishes

He said this would be my year and that I should enjoy it. Such simple words yet they filled my heart with joy and comfort. Isn't it lovely when someone, anyone, predicts good things for you? Even if they can't control it, the simple thought makes it all better. 

where do I go when I go

Drove all the way back home in silence, didn't even care to turn the radio on. It was such a trance I didn't notice until I was two minutes away. Didn't think of anything at all, I just wasn't there. Still trying to figure out where I go when I go. 

the go getter

I never thought I could, but I did and it made me feel powerful and strong. Like if I could do this, I could do anything at all. 

the end of october

October was ending,
it went by so fast,
it went by so slow,
it went by without me being really there at all.

it wasn't home

I did get to miss those mountains again,
this time I felt a hole in my chest,
and the new place was wonderful,
beautiful buildings, green everywhere,
but it wasn't home.

it all fades away

It would've been nice to have been told that fear is greater in the anticipatory moments and once you're doing whatever you feared, it all fades away. Sometimes you even go through it and forget what it was that terrified you so much.

if I could be softer

My words always sounded harsher than I meant them out to be. I hurt people unwillingly and I don't realize it until the words have left me. I could see the look in their eyes. If I could be softer I would be, believe me. I'm sorry.