reflex love

That uncomfortable moment when you've moved on and I haven't... People ask if I'm doing alright in hopes of seeing me destroyed but I'm quite alright, I think. I often wonder if I ever loved you, maybe it was just reflex love, I loved you because you loved me, thinking about it makes me sad.

the cynic turned naive

I'm proud of being naive when it comes to love. I've been hurt over and over and although I might be a cynic 14 hours a day, the remaining hours I find myself believing. 

thoughts & stories

There are words I string together, 
thoughts that need to be typed out,
they cause such pain inside me, 
it needs to be let out.

There are stories I never tell, 
those that I drown in myself,
and hope never see the light. 

I've made mistakes,
and they're mine to keep. 
Don't think you have me all figured out.

brave

Being brave is not to lack fear,
being brave is to endure,
to look at fear's eye and rise above. 

unexpected

My heart didn't stop, it just shrunk, it wasn't what I expected to feel, but I guess fear is like that, unexpected.

the roots

The roots keep on feeding on the remaining water although it seems like a desert up here. The roots keep fighting. I wasn't aware the tree wanted to live.

now and then

It's how it was back then, 

it's how I was with you,

but it's not who I am,

and it's not who I will be...

stranger's advice

A stranger once gave me a message on a picture, sealed in an envelope, only to be opened on a special day and the day was today. It was poorly written but it was exactly what I needed to hear. 

Random anonymous messages tend to hit the spot better than those from people who know you the most.

this is my heart

This is my heart,

I show it to you, because I trust you.

Sorry it's not nice and it's wounded, 

I've tried my best to repair it.

This is my heart,

but it's also yours now, 

if you want it. 

will i?

And I wonder if I'll ever get to miss these streets again... Will I ever long to return here? Will I picture the mountains in my mind? Will I smile when someone complains about traffic knowing it doesn't compare? Will I ever get the chance to feel that? Will I ever get to miss home again?

shame

What a shame it would be to spend this lifetime not understanding that we're powerful enough to change ourselves. It's a pity we roam the streets crying out our sorrows when we could avoid it all and all.

the breakup of nothing

Do we just walk away?

Do we talk it out? 

Do we have to explain? 

Things that never were
but are still present, 
relationships that never took flight,
and somehow are burning in the sky, 
you and I. 

the mundane

Never wrote about happiness, it seemed normal, mundane, perhaps this is why I'm never grateful for these days, but I should be, I really should... For I have fallen to the deepest abyss and rose, my spirit has been broken and stitched back together with hope, I have remained, I have survived, I put myself together with a smile and I rarely go back to those dark days where the sun made me blind.

please?

Please try.

Please don't give up.

I have the feeling that if you believe in me I'll believe too.

Please don't give up on me.

september

I kept shaking through the days, literally shaking. I was nervous, what if it didn't end? Even worse, what if it did? It's still not simple, my mom said nothing ever is, I'll take her word on that. 

Decisions are knocking on my door.

I used to think my life defining moments were behind me, what a joke, they never end.